


Secret Sunshine

by Amoridere



Series: Stand Alones [11]
Category: Kill la Kill (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Child Abandonment, Family Drama, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Gen, Inspired by TLC, Nephewism, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent-Child Relationship, Secret pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, WIP, strawman has a point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 14:19:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 20,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16306820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amoridere/pseuds/Amoridere
Summary: Satsuki had a secret and Ryuuko found out too late





	1. She handed me a baby

**Author's Note:**

> Initially, this was gonna be all one story but I thought it best to post it like this, especially because I typed a lot of dialogue sections

 She handed me a baby.

For the longest, I knew something was up. I remembered our fights and how, when I went to square up, I couldn't bring myself to hit her back. I remembered how much she seemed to eat and the fact that she seemed to be getting big in the middle. For the most part, she was always bottom-heavy, however, in this case, she was rounder in the middle and I knew it wasn't coming from the food she was eating (though she got a little heavier). I remembered that she had thrown up a lot and the fact that she seemed to go from zero to a hundred real fast. The bottom line is that I knew something was off but I didn't really put the pieces together.

 


	2. Until, she handed me a baby.

_Until, she handed me a baby._

   I was banging on her door, asking her exactly what the hell she was doing. When I heard something break and some kind of noise, I punted the door off its hinges. Usually, she keeps her room clean but it wasn't clean, actually, her bed was a mess and there was spots of blood everywhere before they led to a trail, which lead to the bathroom. The door was cracked and I heard her breathing. While I was asking if she was okay, I opened the door more to her holding out a bundle. She told me, "It's a girl." 

  I was scared. The whole thing didn't feel real but I took the baby anyway, before she passed out. At first, I didn't know as to what to think or what to do. By that point, the baby started crying and I was damn well searching for a phone. I got one and I wasn't sure who to call before I just dialed the emergency number. They came and took her.

    I was left holding the baby. The whole thing still didn't feel real and, honestly, I was trying put the pieces together. _Maybe this is a really weird dream and I'm gonna wake up._ The baby was still crying, so I knew it wasn't a dream and that I was awake. I mean, up until, now, I didn't even know the baby was gonna come but the idea was hard as hell to believe.

  However, what happened before this was beside the point, so I decided to do something about the baby crying. _She's hungry, right? Babies like food._ I ran around holding this baby, wondering what exactly I was supposed to feed her. Damn! Well, Sis didn't have anything like bottles, diapers, or anything like that around the house, so I decided to call Mako. I told her it was important and that she had to bring bottles and whatevers. She came with the bottles and whatevers, asking, "So why do you need this stuff?" I was hesitant but I told showed her the baby to which she got a funny look and asked me if the baby was mine.

"No, but it's a girl."

"Okay, where did she come from?"

"Uhhhh...."

"It's okay, you can tell me?"

"Um, well,...."

 "Did you find her?"

 "Not exactly."

 "Well, how did she get here?"

"Erm, well, she was born, today."

"Okay, that's cool and all but who delivered her into this world?"

I wasn't really sure how to answer that, so I brought Mako to the room and showed her. "Ryuuko-chan, you shouldn't lie." she said, giving the "you did something bad" look. I told her that I wasn't lying and that, if I was, then the baby would look more like me, than Sis, along with the fact that I'd be in the hospital. She wanted me to prove it, to which I asked, "You want me to get ass naked?"

   Well, she believed me and said, "Okay, let's get her a diaper on and fix up a bottle." We did that and the baby was fine. Mako, on the other hand, had a lot of questions like how come I didn't know the baby was coming and why Sis didn't say anything about the baby coming.

"Well, damn, I don't know heads or tails as to how I'd answer that question, Mako."

"Well, didn't you notice something weird?"

"Eh, kind of, I mean, in all the times we got into it, I would wuss out and not hit her back, the times she ate more than I did, and the fact that she'd got from fine to looking like she wanted to throw something."

"Anything else?"

"She was getting big around the middle and damn sure wasn't coming from the food she was eating."

"Hmm, does the baby have a name?"

"No, not really."

She suggested that we give her a name, since, according to her, "all things needs a name". I told her that I wasn't sure as to what I should call her, to which she rattled off a list of suggestions, to which the only one that made any sense was "Junko".  Mako looked at me and said, "Okay, let's call her that."

While Junko was sleeping, Mako and I had a conversation about why Sis didn't tell anyone. The thing we came to was that Sis had to have known but, either way, she never told anyone, so we had to wonder why. Mako suggested that Sis was scared and I was confused as hell as to why.

"Mako, why would she be scared and scared of what, exactly?"

"Well, sometimes, when a lady gets pregnant, she gets scared and doesn't tell anyone for whatever the hell."

"But she could have told me."

"Yes, she could have but maybe she didn't because she was scared and, well, maybe there's other reasons."

"Like what?"     

"Well, reasons like maybe the dad isn't in the picture anymore or it's because she's young."

"What do we tell everyone else, especially the Short Dude?"

"I don’t know but I guess the right thing would be for Satsuki to tell them.”

“And if she doesn’t tell ‘em?”

“I guess that’s a bridge were gonna have to cross when we get to it.”


	3. Two years later

_That was two years ago._

   After that, Sis gave Junko a new name, “Tsukiko" and she had my stuff packed up before she sent to me live across town, baby and all. She did I won't lie, she set me up with a nice house and told me she'd send me money for things and whatevers. Regardless, she sent me away like I made the mistake and she had to cover it up. She still hadn’t told anyone, so everyone else, besides Mako, never knew and, for the most part, people were thinking she was mine.

I got some stares and I could hear the whispers. Hell, someone gave me a job out of pity. I gave up my life, so I could be the mom to a kid that wasn’t even mine, paying for someone else's mistake, and no one asked me about it. I never chose this but it's not like I could just leave her alone, not like what Sis did. I guess, besides how I feel about Sis leaving me with the bill, doing her job wasn’t really thankless, because Kiko loves me.

  To Kiko, I was everything, like I was the sun and she was the Earth. She became my sunshine, not long after Sis sent us away, and I promised her that I'd do everything I could to take care of her. She may as well be mine, since I did everything from missing sleep, changing her diapers, buying her clothes, fixing her bottles, patching her up when she got hurt, and singing her songs to rushing her to a doctor when she got sick, having to pay the damn bills out of the my own money. Hell, I lost a lot of weight because I was short on money and I couldn't stand the idea of Kiko going without.

The whole thing was just unfair. Don't get me wrong, I love Kiko more than life itself but the whole idea was unfair, especially, when I see pictures of Sis on the interwebs of her having fun with all of her friends and I gotta stay home most days. Sure, sometimes, Mako could babysit but she has her own life and isn't always there. I would suppose that this whole thing isn't about me but more about Kiko because she got the shortest end of the stick.

I remembered when she actually called to ask me about Kiko. She usually didn't do this, actually, I haven't talked to her in two years, not since she sent us both away. That conversation didn't go what I would call "well" but it went better than most conversations like this. However, I didn't try to hide how I felt by this but I doubt she caught on to it.

"Hello?"

_"Yes, hello, how are things?"_

"Fine, things are fine, Sis, funny how you would ask _\--_ "

_"How is she?"_

"Fine, she's fine. She's doing fine, she's a good girl, and she's my sunshine. You _\--_ "

_"Very well."_

 


	4. Talking to Mako

She hung up, even though I had a lot more to say. I wanted to tell her about how I felt and how she didn’t try to come and see Kiko in these two years. After that call, when Kiko was napping, I called Mako over because I needed someone to talk to about it all. Mako, surprisingly, was free that day and she came right over. "If she calls again, I'm not going to answer that phone." I told her, to which she looked at me and asked why.

 "Why?"

"Because, it won't matter, that's why, Mako."

"How won't it matter? She asked about Kiko, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did and, honestly, I shouldn't have answered because why in holy hell would she even think about the kid she left me with?"

"Because she loves her...."

"Yeah, well, she doesn't love her enough because, if she truly and honestly cared, she would be doing _everything_ that I'm doing or, at least, have bothered to visit her during those two years."

"Hmm, I guess you're right but she probably has a reason for what she did."

 "Like what?"

 "Oh, maybe because, when she found out she was pregnant, she was scared, maybe the dad's not in the picture, and she didn't know what else to do. I mean, she isn't married."

"Yeah, but to make me do everything she's supposed to do?! I'm young, too, and no one asked me to do this but those things don't matter because my sunshine needs me. The whole thing to do with my sunshine and me is really unfair."

I told her that how come Sis doesn’t seem to love as much as I do? How come she got to go out and act like nothing’s changed and then want to call all of a sudden, when she didn’t do a damn thing besides send checks? I asked a lot of questions but, mostly, I told Mako, “This isn’t too much about me but I can tell you one thing, Kiko is the reason why this whole thing is unfair. She’s just a baby and I barely know anything about being a mommy but I know damn well that what Sis is doing isn’t anything a mommy would do.”

“Not all moms are the same, Ryuuko-chan.”

“No, they aren’t but I know how a mom should be.”

“Well, of course, moms bend over backwards and do everything so their kids can be happy but maybe she has reasons for not doing what you do.”

“I think my point is that Sis laid down with someone and now both Kiko and I gotta pay for it but Kiko especially.”

“Oh.”

“Sis is selfish, in simple terms.”

I was close to breaking down before I heard Kiko say, "Momma?"  She was confused and not sure what to do but there's a reason she's my sunshine because she ran over to me and got me in a hug, holding onto me for dear life. I held onto her, too, and told, "It's okay, Sunshine, I'll make sure everything's okay and that they'll always be okay."  Mako was watching the whole thing, while I told Kiko I loved her more than anything and that nothing bad's going to happen.


	5. Voicemails

The next day, while I was making breakfast and cleaning the house before doing anything else, I got another phone call.  It was from Sis. That time, I decided not to answer it because, if I answered it, I'd tell her that I'd beat her ass if I saw her and, honestly, I didn't want to upset Kiko, especially not that early in the morning. I was pissed but that wasn't the issue, so, I opted to cook Kiko's favorite breakfast, to take my mind off of it. Momma _will_ take care of her sunshine.

   Breakfast went off without a hitch and, once I got her dressed up all nice, it was off to work we went. Work was uneventful and we didn't have a lot of kids to watch but Kiko had a few of her little friends to play with it. It was a long day and we got home okay.  I fixed dinner and I put Kiko to bed.

_"Night, Momma, love you."_

_"Night-night, Sunshine, I love you, too."_

Once she got situated, I found out Sis left a lot of voicemails. She was telling me to call her back but we all know damn well I'm not going to do that, unless, it has something to do with the checks she sends, adoption papers, or both. The next morning, I didn't have work, so we could sleep in but I wouldn't be sleeping in, as I woke up to the phone ringing. It was her again. I wanted to ignore it but I answered it.

I didn't let her get a word in edgewise but, as quiet as I could, without hiding how I felt, I did tell her, "Okay, look, unless it has something to do with that check you're sending us, the next time you call, I'm beating your ass. You ain't got shit to say and, after all that’s past and done, you can't just pop in like nothing's changed whenever you feel like it, so, when you call and it's got nothing to with that check, I'm beating your ass." I hung up to really emphasize my point and I went back to sleep, until about noon. Kiko was up by then, waiting for me to wake up, and, when I got up, she said, “Momma, door.”

I told her to stay right there and wait for me to come back because I was looking to beat some ass. I was damn near stomping down the stairs and to the door. If it’s her, I was gonna beat her ass in front of the whole damn neighborhood and, trust me, she’s gonna be feeling that for the rest of her life. Just as I was getting ready to beat some ass, I opened the door to find Mako. I defused a little but I gave her a stink eye and asked her, “Did she send you over here?”

“Yes.” she said, nodding really well.

“Why?”

“She wants me to talk to you.”

“For what?”

“Kiko.”

“No, just no, she gave birth to her but I’m Kiko’s Momma. She had that beautiful, wonderful, sweet, good little baby but she didn’t want her and gave her to me. I didn’t choose this but I stepped up to the plate, anyway, being Momma. _What did she do?_  

“Well, she did send checks.”

“Yeah, and that’s what she should stay doing because, during these two years, I lost sleep, fixed bottles, changed diapers, sang songs, held her, ran her to the doctor when she got sick, and I paid the bills out of my own money. During these two years, my weight’s gone up and down because, honestly, between work and taking care of a baby, I didn’t have anything else better to do, so I just ate, and, when I was short on money, I spent whatever I had on Kiko, so she’d have something. _Satsuki_ , let me remind you, didn’t do _any_ of that, hell, she didn’t even visit or call, until, not that long ago. She made her choice, made her choices like a bed she’d fuck in, and there ain’t no going back.”

I told her to tell Satsuki what I said and that, if she tries to pull some more shit, thinking she can just pop in-out whenever she feels like she so damn well please, I'm beating her ass. I sent Mako on her merry way and I went back to Kiko. She did what I asked and, when she saw me, she jumped in my arms, asking me, “We be okay, Momma?” I told her that we will be and, no matter what happens, I would make sure of that. Satsuki already let her down two years ago but I didn’t nor would I ever.

Kiko was uneasy but she went back to herself a little bit. I decided to do something to cheer her up and I asked her if she wanted to go somewhere. In chirpiest little voice, she said, “Shoes!” Okay, that was it, I’ll get her new shoes, double because it looked like she would need new ones anyhow. I got my purse and down the street we went to the shoe store. She was giddy and was going around looking at the shoes before she settled on a cute pair of espadrilles. They weren't pricey but they'd last awhile, so I brought them for her those two and another pair she wanted, for when it gets cold. Honestly, before I got Kiko, I never knew someone could be so happy about shoes but it was beautiful to see her so happy. Seeing her so happy made me feel less mad at Satsuki at the moment.

  We got home and the little thing was tuckered out. It was naptime, at least for Kiko, but she couldn't take a nap without me there. Most days she could but, that day, she couldn't. Frankly, I ought to have just gone over and beat Satsuki's ass just for scaring her like that. Kiko's happiness and well-being has been my priority for all these two years. Satsuki's "intrusion" is gonna put that all out of whack and, well, I can't have that.

   Kiko slept awhile and, during a good much of that time, I got phone calls that turned into voicemails. My best judgment told me not to answer it because, if I did, then I was gonna have to make good on that promise to beat some ass. Of course, I didn’t answer the phone because, if I did, then I’d have get up and that’ll wake her up, which’ll have her screaming. When Kiko got up and went about her business, I went to listen to the voicemails.

They all seem to be same, especially the ones coming from Satsuki, and they got more urgent. _Drama queen._ She was begging me to answer the phone and said she really needed to talk. She said, that whatever it was, it was important but, honestly, I wasn’t inclined on hearing it. This sort of thing went on for awhile before she stopped called and decided to send a check with a letter.

 


	6. The Letter

Satsuki never wrote any letters.

Well, she never wrote any to me or Kiko, though, in Kiko's case, she doesn't know to how to read yet, so, the idea of her getting letters wouldn't make any sense, however, whether or not she could read wasn't important. With Kiko in my arms, I took a short walk to the bank, cashed, and deposited the check, before coming home to the letter.

It had set it on the kitchen table and I put Kiko back to bed for the time being, before reading it. I wondered if I should beat her ass but a letter is different than a call. The letter was typed but she wrote her signature. It wasn't a long letter but it wasn't short, however, it was to the point and she wrote it simply enough.

In her letter, she said she was looking to make amends, wanted to see Kiko, and that she was writing me as a call for help. She said she was at a "crossroads", so, from what I got out of the that was she was pregnant again but what I didn't expect to get out of that was Kiko wasn't her first. Of course, her first one wasn't born for some reason (she didn't say why) but that didn't matter and she never told anyone about that one, until now. I guess some part of me in regards to her came back but it didn't stay and neither was it strong enough to override me need of beating her ass. However, while I'd beat her ass, I'd wait but I knew damn sure I had to tell her what I wanted to say.

After work and after I put Kiko to bed, I decided to call her up. Weirdly, she was up and, different than before, she stopped after asking me if I got the letter. I told her, "Yes, I got it and I read it, honestly, I'm not impressed with it but I'm paying you a visit. I won't be at your house long and neither am I bringing Kiko but I will say what is to be said." I didn't give her a chance to say "Bye" and I hung it up, only I didn't slam the phone down.

I decided that, when I did visit, I would have to make it a surprise, just pop in.


	7. Visiting Day

Visiting day.

It was a while, I managed to snag Mako on an off day and I got her to watch Kiko. Kiko was confused by the whole thing but, after a little bit of coaxing, she took to Mako fast. I decided to put on my good clothes or, well, my second good clothes and I did my hair the best I could. I was paying ol' Satsuki a visit. I haven't seen her in two years and I wasn't feeling lovey-dovey about it, however, that was beside the point. I had to say what needed to be said.

It wasn't a long bus trip and I was dropped off close enough before walking about three blocks. I'm surprised the keys still worked because, really, I thought she had changed the locks. She was sitting on the couch and she had friends over. She told me she thought that I'd call but I told her that I said that I was going to visit, so there I was.

  Before I could say anything else, Uzu had something to say and what he had to say was about my weight, "Well, she put on weight!" I gave him a pretty evil stare and told him I was gonna bust his teeth if he said anything else about my weight. He just laughed and so, well, I got him right in the mouth, telling him, "Gee, you know, if you were me, you'd be shifting on the heavy side if you had nothing to do between a job at a day care and taking care of someone else." Them other ones just stared at me and I dared Nonon to say some shit back. She was quiet, looking as though someone punched her chin in.  I moved onto Satsuki.

  I sat down, right in front of her, glaring at her hard, trying to resist beating her ass something raw. I was quiet for a little bit, took a deep breath, and said, "Okay, I'm gonna keep this simple. I thought about beating your ass but I can wait. Beating your ass isn't why I'm here, no, I'm here for something else. I'll set this straight, right now. You need to think long and hard about the choices you've made, especially now. I will tell you this, right now, if you make the same mistake you made two years ago, you **_can't_** change your mind, there will be **_NO_** coming back, and, if you think there is, I'm beating your ass. Your actions and choices have _consequences,_ Satsuki, and those consequences don't just affect _you._ "

"....."

"I have plenty things to remind you of and, while I don't know why you did what you did, I will say this, you need to remember what happened two years ago and that you can't just choose to pop in whenever the hell you feel like it, like nothing's changed."

"....."

"With your friend talking shit, well, let me tell you remind you that I covered your ass for two years and you got to live like nothing's changed. I didn't make the same mistakes you did and no one asked me, nevertheless, I stepped up to it but that doesn't matter right now. You need to think long and hard about the choices you wanna make and you need to remember how your choices don’t just affect you. You should have thought about that then but you didn’t, so I’m telling you to be aware of the choices you made, how they don’t just affect you, and that I’m gonna beat your ass.”

  As soon as I finished, I turned my head over to Uzu, who decided to crack more jokes about my weight. I wanted to get him right in his mouth but I decided to do one better and tell him, “Gee, you know, if you care a lot about someone, you’d be willing to sacrifice your last cent to give that person what they need, so crack jokes about my weight but I’m gonna remind you that, once, I lost a lot of weight, so much that I may as well had been a clothesline.”

   He shut up real fast and the other ones were just staring at me, more when I said, "Yeah, I'm taking care of more than just myself, so between work at the day-care and being at home with my little sunshine, I couldn't just go out and do whatever, so I just ate. My weight's been a damn yo-yo for all the things I do."

Tears were running down my face and, as I was leaving, I got a phone call. It was from Mako and she told me that Kiko wanted to talk to me. I would guess that I was Satsuki's for too long because the little thing was telling me that she loved and missed me, how she didn't want me to go away. It almost killed me when Kiko said, "Come home, Momma!"  Hearing that little voice made me all the more pissed at Satsuki. The poor thing had been let down since the day she came into the world and I hated the idea that I couldn't do much more.  The call didn't last long and it ended with Kiko saying, "See you soon, Momma, love you." 

After that call, I turned to Satsuki and said, "Remember, your choices didn't just affect you and, as I reiterate, you can't turn back, change your mind, whatever. You had your chance and, honestly, I wouldn't trade what I have now for what I could have had before. However, I will tell you that, whatever the hell choice you make, it's not gonna always be about you and, two years ago, it wasn't. If you forget any of this, I will beat your ass and I'll beat it again."

   While I was leaving, I turned to Uzu and said, "Boy, if you make any more cracks about my weight, I'll knock your whole everything off, like I did with the bitch in the daycare parking lot. We all knew she wasn't shit."

    I hurried back home to my sunshine, who jumped into my arms with a, "Don't be sad, Momma, be okay."


	8. The Secret is Out

  _Those assholes._

Mako decided to stay with Kiko and me for some reason. Honestly, she (and her dog) may as well have moved in because she just practically lived here. Kiko didn’t mind the idea so much because she had someone to keep her company when I couldn’t bring her with me. Sure, having Mako around is fine but I had to get re-used to her being around all the time, especially, since I hadn’t seen her two much in about two years. If I remember right, I told Mako she could stay if Kiko said it was okay. Well, my little sunshine said it was okay, so Mako (and dog) could stay.

Just as we were getting settled into things and such, I got a knock at my door this early in morning. It wasn’t that early in the morning but it definitely wasn’t late enough where Kiko and I would get up, along with the daycare not being opened today. I guess I should have got downstairs before Mako did because she opened the door and let in Satsuki's stoolies.

The moment I saw 'em, I went right back upstairs and put headphones on Kiko's head because, really, I didn’t need her to hear what I was looking to say and neither did I want to wake her up. I wanted to get Mako’s ass with a belt for letting them in but I decided to be polite because it was too early for any excitement.

Mako told me that they wanted to see how I was doing, to which I said, “If I don’t have any cake, I might die.” _Great, Ryuuko, you’re doing it again_. Of course, little fake bitch Nonon something to say about that remark and I had a comeback, “Yeah, well, you could just mind your damn business, like you were doing for two years.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know what it means.”

“No, I don’t, elaborate.”

“Yes, you do, now, if I don’t have any cake, I might die and you didn’t bring any cake or cake mix.”

Of course, Uzu started snickering and would have kept going, before Big Dude jabbed him with his elbow, saying, “Remember what she said last time? Be nice.” I asked him if he had anything to say and he asked me what was the my whole visit with Satsuki was about and I told him, “Nothin’.”

“That was more than nothing.”

“Yeah, it was, and it’s over and done with.”

“Really, what happened between you and Satsuki, two years ago?”

“Well, I thought she would have told ya’ll already, well, if she hadn’t already told you, then it must be nothing.”

He was telling me that something happened and I wanted to dodge the subject. I moseyed into the kitchen, looking for something to munch on. _Yup, just like when you first moved in._ While I was doing that, Glasses Dude asked Mako about what it was I was talking about at Satsuki’s house and she asked him, “Satsuki didn’t tell you?” All four of them were looking at her, as if they were asking, “Tell us what?” It was quiet for a good ten minutes before Kiko called out, “Momma?”

She startled them with that, twice more when she came down the stairs and grabbed me around my legs. Whether or not she startled them was beside the point, she was definitely startled by them and she didn't seem to want 'em here, saying, "Momma, who them? Them go away!" She was clinging to me tightly, while Uzu's dumbass asked, "Where the hell did she come from?!" while Nonon asked me as to who the dad was. Of course, that scared her more and she hurried to hide behind me, telling the other ones to go away.

All eyes were on me and Mako asked, "Should we tell 'em?" I wouldn't tell them right then, not while Kiko was there, so I told her, "Not right now." I picked up Kiko, hugged her close, petted her hair, told her everything's going to be okay, and I brought her upstairs. I sat her down, gave her favorite teddy bear to her, and she knew to stay put.

I walked downstairs and they were still looking at me, Big Dude asking, "So who's the child?" with Glasses Dude asking me as to what that had to do with Satsuki. Mako looked at me and said, "Well, they already saw her, so we may as well tell 'em." I wasn't already looking forward to them being over and I damn sure wasn't looking for my sunshine to be scared like that. However, I couldn't just act like Kiko didn't just run downstairs. _Damn, just damn. You know what? Fuck it, tell all of her business._

"Well, honestly, if Satsuki didn't tell ya' then I may as well." I said, rolling my eyes. I wanted this whole thing with them to be over, so I could tend to Kiko but, at this point, I had to tell what Satsuki didn't. I pointed to some of the pictures and I said, "That baby you saw is Kiko."

"Kiko?"

"Yes, Kiko, dumbass. Her real name is 'Tsukiko' but I call her 'Kiko' and I've been calling her that since she could talk."

"Okay, but that doesn't address where she came from, is she yours?"

"Well, she's my little sunshine and I've been taking care of her since she was born and especially since Satsuki moved us both in here."

"Wait, what happened?"

I was looking for a way to answer before Mako said, simply, "Oh, Satsuki had a baby and Kiko's that baby." They looked at her like she was lying, Nonon saying, "No way, come on, you're playing, right?" Mako shook her head and told her that we weren't fucking around, Satsuki really did have a baby. They looked at each other and Uzu said, "She never told us she was pregnant."

"No, she didn't, hell, she didn't even tell Ryuuko."

"She didn't?"

"No, she didn't but I knew something was off, especially since she was getting bigger around the middle and it damn sure wasn't coming from all that food she was eating."

"Who's the dad?"

"Well, we don't know, Gama."

"Then why is Ryuuko raising the baby?"

I told them I was doing it because Satsuki didn't want to. I told them that I cared too much about Kiko to just up and abandon her, when she was practically alone, which says a lot more about me than Satsuki. I told them about how no one asked me, how the responsibilities were foisted onto me, and how Satsuki got to have fun, doing whatever she wanted to, but I stepped up to the plate, giving up my life for Kiko and Satsuki's mistakes. However, I told them, with all things considered, I wouldn't trade the life I have, now, with Kiko, for what I could have had, without her. I felt my tears coming and I wasn't looking to wipe them.

"I love Kiko, love her more than life itself, love her more than Satsuki ever could. Sure, I didn't give birth to her, but that doesn't really matter, because, with all the things I did do and the sacrifices I've made, I'm her 'Momma'. I've been looking after her since Satsuki put her in my arms and, from that day, since we moved here, I've lost sleep, fix bottles, changed diapers, buying her clothes, patching her up when she got hurt, singing her lullabies, and rushing her to the hospital when she got sick something bad, hell, I was so terrified that I could lose her that I begged the doctors to save her, telling that I’d do anything if it meant that she’ll be okay. Where was Satsuki during any of that? Nowhere important, that's for damn sure. She didn't even ask about Kiko until recently and I told her that I'd beat her ass. I'll wait because she's preggers again, so I'm gonna wait and, if I knew who the father is, I'm beating his ass, too, because it takes two to fuck. Why am I raising this baby again? Simple, because I love her, love her more than Satsuki could ever be bothered to." I said, making no attempt to hide what I felt and how pissed I am at Satsuki.

I went on to say that, recently, even though she did not see or call about her in the two years, she tells me she wants to see her. Uzu asked me if I’d let her, to which I told him, “Hell no.” That shocked ‘em and Mako, too, actually Mako asked if |I was serious, “Yeah. Honestly, if Satsuki cares as much as she likes to convince herself, then she’d do what’s in Kiko’s best interests.” They all looked at each other with Pinky asking me, “What would that be?” I glared at her. I could give an evil ass stare but I felt like my stare could turn that little bitch into ashes.

“It would be in Kiko’s best interests for her to step off and not try to come back like nothing’s changed.”

“Wait, how is it in Kiko’s best interests for her not to know Satsuki?”

“Let’s see, um, Satsuki gave her to me and didn’t do anything besides give birth, set us up with a house, and send checks, nothing else. She didn’t lose sleep, change diapers, buy clothes, sing lullabies, patch up wounds, and nor did she stay with a baby in the hospital, along with dealing with savings being lower than the bottom of a cup, so why does Kiko need to know her?”

I told them that I meant what I said, that choices like the ones she's made aren't ones that she can go back on, and, frankly, she had better just keep her distance, like she had been doing. I told them I had to go check on Kiko and I did exactly that, while they looked at me, stunned. Kiko was sitting there and, when she saw me, she threw her arms out.

I grabbed her into mine, telling her that everything will be okay and that I was sorry for scaring her like that. As I held her, I wondered if I should just bag her and run away but that idea didn't stick because I knew, deep down, it would make things worse to take her away from everything she knew. Nevertheless, no matter what happens, she's still my sunshine and, whether she came out of me or not, I'm still her Momma.


	9. Far Along

_I knew there was something off about that letter_

After that, while I was doing something with Kiko, Mako had something to tell me about the letter that Satsuki wrote. I told her I didn't want to hear it but she told me it was really important. I wanted her to make it quick but, Mako being Mako, had much to say. She was telling me about part where Satsuki said she was at a “crossroads”. I rolled my eyes and asked her, “What about that line?” to which she told me that Satsuki’s too far along to do anything. I didn’t want to talk more about it, until Kiko went to sleep.

I asked her as to how she knew that and she said, “I’m going by how she wrote it and, from the way she wrote it, she’s past the time where she could do something about her pregnancy, so she’s wondering what else she could do” She then asked me what was Satsuki wearing the last time.

“A longish blue dress that was straight up and down and looked kind of biggish.”

“Hmm, then she’s probably five-ish or six-ish months, either way, she’s too far along to do much else besides keep the baby or give the baby away. Either way, she wrote this letter and she's too far along to do anything besides what I said."

I told Mako that I doubt Satsuki would even bother with raising the baby, since she gave me Kiko, and that she should think about that. "Well, whatever her reasons she had for leaving Kiko to you had to be good ones." she told me. I started laughing and it wasn't a good laugh, no, it was that bitter laugh. I reminded her that Satsuki wasn't a criminal and neither was she on drugs at the time and she very well could take care of the baby but she didn't want to, so she gave her to me. I said, “At least, I love Kiko and, because I love her, I won’t let her down, can’t say the same for Satsuki, with all things considered.”

“Yes, but, perhaps, she’d like to start fresh.”

“Uh, hell no, Mako, babies aren’t something you can ‘start fresh’ with.”

“Well, since she didn’t have one and gave the second to you, it’s possible that she might pull herself together and raise this one.”

“Or not and, if she makes the same choice she made two years ago, I'm beating her ass."

"Is it possible to heal the relationship between you two?"

"I'll think about it."

Mako asked me to elaborate more on that, to which I told her that I'll think about. While I told her that I'd think about it, I dropped whatever I was holding and that thing I was holding was a picture frame. I didn't realize I was holding it but I knew whose picture I was holding and it wasn't Kiko's. I suppose that I had dropped it to emphasize a point. Satsuki made her choice, two years ago, and she lost out on two things. I'd sweep it up later but I'd leave it there to emphasize that point. Shattering that picture frame was nothing, while Satsuki shattered more than that, two years ago. I didn't want to think more about Satsuki that day.

  
Mako stood there, quiet, while I went about my business. 


	10. How could she be stupid?

**I wonder if I should make good on that threat.**

She called again. I specifically told her not to or, otherwise, I'd beat her ass, so, when she called, I was wondering if that baby was born yet. If that baby was already born, I could beat her ass for calling and, if that baby wasn't born, I'll wait. Thinking about it, I wondered as to how I'd feel about this up upcoming baby.

Like Kiko, this one didn't do shit to me, so I wouldn't have any bad feeling towards them but I worried about this one because I know Satsuki didn't do much of anything for the one she did have. Maybe she'll raise the one she's pregnant with but I have a feeling that she'll pull the whole "Two year Pop-In" shtick. If she makes the choice like she did two years, I'd beat her ass. Regardless, she called, even though I told her not to or else she'd what I'd get give her.

With all the power I could muster to not unleash fire into that phone, I asked her as to why she called. She told me that she wanted to talk was all. I wasn't going to carry on a conversation so I told her that I wasn't looking to talk, that I talked to her last time, and that there wasn't anything to talk about but she was insistent. I cut her off, reminding her of what she did and that I haven't anything else to say to her. I hung up the phone and went back to what I was doing, wondering if I should eat the container of tiramisu. I was seething but then my thoughts I went to Kiko, so I left that tiramisu alone.

   While I thought about Kiko, I remembered that she looked a lot like Satsuki but her hair was a finer texture and she didn't really have caterpillar brows. She also didn't act like her either, especially since she was sweeter to me than Satsuki. I wondered if Satsuki was a sweet kid back then. Then I thought about Kiko tells me that she loves me, how I got collection of the few things she gave me, how she gets so happy over the littlest things, how she tries to cheer me up, and just how happy she makes me. She's my little and being "Momma" is what makes this whole thing bearable. While I thought about Kiko, I smiled but then I started to cry. The more I thought about it, I wondered if I was crying mostly because I didn't Satsuki tear us apart, especially, since, for the most part, Kiko had no one else.   

I took a moment to wonder if Satsuki is so stupid and then I wondered, _How could she be stupid?_ Most would expect this sort of thing from me but, nope, I behaved. She didn’t and went out screwing. I would think that, gee, after the first time, she’d probably have enough sense to use precautions, instead, she does the opposite. Of course, people make mistakes, yeah, but that doesn’t change the fact that her choices didn’t just affect her. I gave up my life, covering her ass, and, in most senses of the word, adopting this baby, while she got to be selfish, acting like nothing's changed.

  Now, her selfishness strikes again. She didn't do any of the things that I did and she didn't even bother to call or visit during any of these two years, until recently, when she's pregnant again. I mean, it was selfish as hell to bring a baby into the world and abandon the baby with her sister, so it's even more selfish bring another kid into the world, while she damn sure isn't looking after this one. All she did was set us up with the house, send checks, and nothing else. I’d be absolutely damned if I let her take Kiko away and just as damned if she dumps the next one on me. One was hard enough and I doubt she’s gonna make that check bigger or visit if she makes that same mistake.

  Thinking about that, made me cry more. Her being pregnant again made the whole thing even more unfair on Kiko’s end, as we all know why. She had her chance and she abandoned Kiko at the earliest of instances, abandoning me right along with her. How can she try to love the new one if she couldn’t be bothered with the first one?! The situation was already unfair to Kiko and me but I found it even more unfair to the next one because I don't think I can expect her to do better or maybe she'd wait awhile before unloading the kid onto someone else. Either way, I'm not confident in her abilities to be a mom because moms don't ghost on their kids.

  I was crying for a while before the tears just stopped. I wiped away what was left and picked myself up. I was still upset but I found it in me to pull myself together.  My sunshine needs me and, come hell or high water, I'd damned if I am not there for her.

 


	11. "Love you, Momma"

A few days after that day, I got a call from one of stoolies. Kiko got to the phone before I did and she answered it. I was giggling because she told the one the other end, "Her's 'Momma'!" They were asking for me but she didn't know that and so she argued, getting more frustrated. I let it go on for five minutes before I asked for the phone. I asked whoever it was (it was Uzu's stupid ass) why the hell they were calling, to which I was told, "Oh, she just wanted to talk to you and she called one of us crying." Before I could say something back, Kiko decided to make her way up the stairs, calling out, "Love you, Momma." I told her I loved her, too, before turning my attention to Uzu.

"She's pregnant, don't you know? She'll do that."

"I don't think it was hormones."

"I cried a helluva lot more than that, so, really, if it ain't hormones, then she doesn’t have a reason to cry.”

“Wait, what—How would you know if she doesn’t have a reason?”

“Well, she wasn’t crying when she handed me a baby and she wasn’t crying when she abandoned me and this baby in this house across town.”

“Okay, but that was two years ago and she wants very much to talk to you."

"Um, no, just no, I already said what I had to."

"Well, Kiko is her--"

"Okay, shut up. Yeah, she brought Kiko into the world but she didn’t do anything. She didn’t lose sleep, change diapers, sing songs, patch her up, run Kiko to the hospital, and she damn sure didn’t sacrifice whatever money she had to pay the bills or keep her fed. She didn’t chance her clothes hanging off of her and neither did she have to change courses in life. No, she didn’t a damn thing, except send checks and set us up with this house, so you can't say that Kiko's her baby, when she didn't act like she was. At the end of the day, I don't have anything else to say."

"Maybe--"

"Look, let me tell you this, even though Satsuki ghosted on her, Kiko is happy, healthy, and loved as much as she can possibly be and then some, so shouldn't that be enough?! I mean, really, if Satsuki cared as much as she likes to claim, then why would she want to mess that up?"

That shut him up and I hung up the phone. I went to check on Kiko, who told me that she loved me and clung to me for life. She told me, as only she could, that she didn't want to go anywhere and that she wanted to stay with me, starting to cry. I told her that she wasn't going anywhere and that she's staying with me, that we'll be okay and happy. She perked up and said, "Love you, Momma!" She would go about her business, being her happy sunny self.

Later, while I was putting Kiko down for bed, Mako told me I got another phone call. It was from Short Bitch and she asked how I was doing. Mako wasn't sure how to answer that, so she handed that phone to me. I wasn't going to start with Kiko just going to sleep, so I went downstairs and said, "I don't want to talk to you and I damn sure don't want to talk to Satsuki, either."

"Don't you think you're being mean?"

"If you need to get your teeth busted in place of hers, I can do that for you."

"I don't know about that but Satsuki-chan just wanted to talk to you and she'd like very much to see Kiko."

"Nonon, let me tell you this, either I bust her teeth or yours. I told you how I felt about Satsuki and, frankly, if she wasn't concerned about seeing Kiko then, well, she shouldn't be concerned about seeing Kiko, now. Kiko is happy, healthy, and loved as much as she can be and then some and, really, that should be important. "

"That is but--"

"I gave up everything and became Momma, while Satsuki, for whatever the hell, couldn't be bothered. She **_ABANDONED_** Kiko at when the little thing was two days old, at the earliest instance, and, when she did that, she abandoned me, too, so, really, do I bust her teeth or yours in their place? Now, you have a _good_ night."

I didn't get any more calls that night or the next day. Actually, things were quiet.

_Too quiet._


	12. Needs me? Naw, not likely.

Mako suggested that I hear what Satsuki had to say, to which I told her, "I don't want to hear what she has to say." She kept pushing, telling me that, if Satsuki was trying to contact me and wanted to make amends, then she really needs me. I answered her, "Not as much as my sunshine needs me. Satsuki, I'll tell you, can manage."  She asked me how and I told her that Satsuki's rich and has nothing to worry about, while I have to wonder what Kiko is up to when I'm not looking.

"Maybe, but I think she needs you and she wouldn't be reaching out to you, if she didn't."

"She's got her stoolies and, like I said, she'll manage. She managed just fine without me for two years, having fun with her friends, while I had to put my all into taking care of Kiko, while wondering if I should take up another job."

“Okay, but she did give birth to Kiko and she cared enough to make sure she was provided for."

"Um, yeah, she did, but she didn't do any of the stuff that I did and she pawned Kiko on me at the earliest convenience, so she didn't care that much."

"What if Kiko asks questions?"

"Questions like what?"

"Well, ask where her dad is and such."

"I don't think she'd ask questions because, if she was, she'd be asking them now and she's not asking them."

"But she might."

"Yeah, and I'll cross that bridge when I get to it but, right now, it doesn't matter because Kiko is right where she should be, with someone who loves her enough to be involved. Like I told Satsuki, choices like this aren't choices that one can go back on. She made her choice and she should live with it."

"But didn't you make choices, too?"

"Yes, I did and I'm not going back on them. Satsuki had her chance and she gave that up."

She wanted to press the issue more but I shut her down and told her I won't discuss anything else to do with Satsuki, until she gives birth and figures out what she's going to do with the kid she's pregnant with. "If she dumps the next one on me, then, well, I’ll make my choice as to what I’ll do with _her,_ ” I told her, “and it won’t be pretty.” I walked away, doing that weird stomp walk I got so used to doing to emphasize my point. Satsuki was **_not_** to be discussed until I so damn well saw fit to discuss her. I had nothing to say to or about her. She made her choice and she's gonna have to live with it, just like I made it my resolve to take care of this baby, to not do what Satsuki did.

I needed something to settle my nerves after that conversation. My mind drifted towards food but then I remembered Kiko, so I decided to ask her if she wanted to go somewhere. I'd take her somewhere, somewhere awful nice, and she'd have fun, doing whatever she felt she could do to her little heart's content. Kiko didn't exactly tell me where she wanted to go but I decided to take her to a place she's never been. It was the beach. I've only gone to the beach a few times but that was a while ago.

  I told her we couldn't do much, double because I didn't get her a swimsuit. She didn't mind that idea too much and was more fixated on getting seashells. She was just so excited about getting the shells that I couldn't help but to get out of that funk and get shells with her. She didn't get many seashells but she definitely got interesting ones. We would take them home and I didn't realize it was sunset. As I was taking Kiko back home, I found out that I got eighteen missed calls. Thirteen of them were from Mako, two were from her parents, one was from Nonon's bitch ass, and the last was from Satsuki. I would tell them that we were fine and to tell Satsuki to stop causing trouble.

   Mako gave me a talking to about scaring her like that and I told her I needed to calm my nerves, that Kiko needed a day out, the things I could find it in my head to say. She told me that I didn't tell her that I was going out, to which I told her that I didn't have to, regardless Kiko and I were fine, safe and sound, at the beach, getting seashells. As I was walking up the stairs to put Kiko to bed, Mako said, "Satsuki asked about you." I heard her but I decided to ignore what she said because Kiko needed someone to tuck her in.

   After Kiko was tucked in all nice and comfortable, I went about getting things situated for the next day and then getting myself to bed, while Mako said something about Satsuki wanting to talk to me again.

 "Mako, you know good doggone goddamned well that Satsuki is not to be discussed in this house, period."


	13. "Oh hey."

_"Oh, hey."_

Things were quiet on the Satsuki front and they seemed to continue on as normal for about few days after that day until I got a knock at my door. It was Mako's mom. She greeted me with a hug, telling me she was going to help with some things, along with mentioning that Mako told her I was sick. While she poked and prodded me, I was glancing at Mako. Sukuyo told her that I looked and felt fine, regardless, she was there to help.

  She wasn’t there for very long but she was there long enough for Kiko to have spotted her. Of course, she saw her, too, and asked, “Who’s this little girl?” Kiko ran behind me and asked who Sukuyo was and I told her that she was nice, at which point she came from behind me to say “Hi”. Sukuyo told me how adorable she is, using my name, to which Kiko said, “Her’s not that, hers ‘Momma’!”

“Momma?”

“Yes!”

Kiko went upstairs and I explained how Kiko got in my care, saying, "Her name's 'Tsukiko' but I don't call her that, I call her 'Kiko', especially since that was what she could say when she could talk. Satsuki moved both of us here when she was two days old." Sukuyo looked at me funny before asking, "Why?"

"I don't exactly know but I know a good much of it was because Satsuki didn't want to deal with the responsibilities."

_"You don't know why she didn't want to, Ryuuko-chan--"_

"Mako, neither do you and she has no excuse for being that damn selfish!"

"Wait, what's going on, exactly?"

 "Two years ago, Satsuki got pregnant, told no one about it, had a baby, and sent both us away when Kiko was two days old. Now, Satsuki's pregnant again and decides now that she cares about Kiko when she abandoned us both those two years ago."

_"...But she's been reaching out--"_

"Yeah, much too fucking late, Mako."

  I then turned to Mako and told her not to say another thing, along with that I was mad at her. I was seething and would have stayed that way until Sukuyo asked Mako to explain more that subject. She told her that Satsuki started to reach out to me pretty recently but I would have none of it. I more or less expected for Mrs. Mankanshoku to take Mako and Satsuki’s side but, instead, she told her, “I see, well, Mako, don’t you think you’re being a little unfair to Ryuuko, with all things considered?”

“No, well, I’m not sure how. Satsuki did give birth to Kiko and she did set them up with a house and checks.”

“Yes, yes, she did but I don’t think you’re taking Ryuuko’s feelings into consideration.”

“Huh?”

“Well, Mako, when one has a baby, things change, lots of things change, and, with those changes, comes sacrifices. You see, whatever Satsuki’s reasons were, she didn’t want to deal with the changes a baby may bring and so she handed that baby off to Ryuuko, not sacrificing anything, except for the relationship she had with Ryuuko and the one she would have with Kiko, while, as you can see, Ryuuko had to ‘grow up’ to better care for Kiko, changing much of herself, how she does things, and her priorities, sacrificing what she had before for what she has now. That being said, she has justified reasons for feeling the way that she does, especially, because, having taken care of Kiko for two years, she doesn’t want Satsuki to take Kiko away.”

“But--”

“There’s no doubt that Satsuki cares about them, Kiko especially, but actions do have consequences and the consequences of Satsuki's actions affected more than just her or Ryuuko, they affected Kiko, too, especially since she only knows Ryuuko as her mother and giving birth doesn't make one a mother. What you _do_ makes you a mother and Ryuuko's been a mother for two years, so, surely, she's not going to stop or step aside now, likewise, she's justified for feeling the way that she does, as, really, would you want the face the idea of the child you've taken care of, sacrificed everything for, and bonded with being taken away?"

"......"

"Not just that, how do you think Kiko would do if she was taken away from the mother she had known since she was two days old? I doubt she'd cope with that very well, if anything, getting taken away from Ryuuko, especially when she hasn't the understanding to know why, is gonna make things worse. It's not wrong that Satsuki wants to see Kiko but, however, she can't try to assert herself as Kiko's mother, when she didn't have much involvement for two years"

    She then went on to say, if Satsuki keeps her baby (that is), then she could try to be a better mother and that's something that, about which, she's gonna have to realize that babies change everything, that her actions, choices, or whatever in regards to them will affect more than just her. She went on to point out that dealing with getting pregnant and having babies don't always have easy or right answers to them and that, as we can see, Satsuki had to learn that hard way, not that it excuses what she did or why.

"Whatever Satsuki's reasons for doing what she did, they don't change or excuse that she put the responsibility on someone who wasn't ready or didn’t ask to take them on and nor does it excuse her not checking on either of their well-beings in two years." she said, before saying she was going into the kitchen to cook dinner.

Mako had nothing else to say, actually, she was quiet for the rest of the day. Even when she wanted to say something, she couldn't find the words and would close her mouth. I wanted to be smug about her being quiet but I couldn’t be. I guess I was just as shocked “into silence” as Satsuki would put it, more because, finally, someone understood how I felt.


	14. “I didn’t ask for her come anywhere near me!”

Mako just wants to help, bless her, but I know damn well what's helpful and what fucking ain't. I made it hella clear how I felt about Satsuki and what does she do? Invite her over. If she wasn't pregnant, I would beat her ass for coming within two feet of me. Mrs. Mankanshoku was there and she wasn't too amused, however, she wasn't seething like I was. She asked her why she did what she did, to which she said, "Well, these two used to be close, so maybe we can help them put right to wrong." Sukuyo only had one answer and that was "Tsk-tsk." with her arms crossed but she gave in, saying, "Fine but you are to sit aside and let me mediate."

Somehow, I found it in me to be "civil" but I was seething and I made no attempt to hide that. She was sitting across the room, about twelve feet and a half away, and she wasn't by herself, as her cronies came, too. I guess they were crashing at her place. I made a note that she looked bigger but, then again, she it had to, it had been about two and a half or three months since I saw her last. "Okay," Sukuyo said, "is there anything you want to say? Ryuuko, maybe you should go first."

I glared at her hard, while she looked at the floor, and I said, "I wasn't looking to see you at all. Let me tell you this, 'sorry' isn't going to fix this or anything related to this. Two years ago, you've abandoned us both and, in those two years, besides checks, you didn't show an ounce that you cared at all. You didn't ask about Kiko or me and, really, this is the first time you've visited. Let me make this clear, I didn't ask to do any of this but I couldn't bring myself to do what you did. No, I couldn't because, really, what did that baby ever do to deserve something like that? Nothing, fucking nothing. I guess the fact that I couldn't just dump her on someone else so she'd shoved from place to place without ever knowing she could be loved says more about me than you. You gave birth to her and then you ghosted on her, ghosting on me, too, right along with her. I'm going to remind you again, in case you, forgot, _Bitch_ , that your actions affect more than just you and, as you already know, they affected more that just you. I sacrificed everything, _everything_ , and you got to be selfish but, let me tell you this, I wouldn't trade the life I have now, with Kiko, for the life I could have had then, without her. I love her more than anything, more than you could ever be bothered to, and she loves me. I'm her 'Momma' and being her 'Momma' is what makes the whole thing bearable. Where were you during these two years? Nowhere important, out with your friends or whatevers. Out with your friends or whatevers, while I stayed home, stayed home doing things to take care of Kiko by myself. So really, how fair is it that you get to just show up after ghosting on us for two years, huh? How fair is it that you want to see the baby you abandoned when she was two days old? Whatever your reasons for doing what you did, well, they ain't good enough reasons. If you weren't ready, then you should have taken precautions but, no, you put that responsibility on me and ghosted. I wanna beat your ass and, if I knew who you screwed, I'd kick his ass, too. Now, you're pregnant again and I'm worried. Not worried about you, you'll be fine, I'm worried about the one you'll have because I've seen what you did. Got anything to say?"

I was winded after saying all of that and the room was dead quiet before I started to walk up the stairs to see what Kiko was up to, when Uzu said, "Damn, I feel stupid." I found myself turning around to ask 'im what he meant and I figured out he was looking at a picture of me. A picture from some while back, back when I lost a ton of weight. He walked over to where that picture was and said, "Man, I remember when she said she may as well have been a clothesline. She looks like downright sick in this picture." He took the picture from where it was and brought it over to where everyone else was, so they could see it. Satsuki looked like she could cry before I told her, "Don't you fucking cry. You weren't crying when you ghosted on us, so you may as well not cry now."

I trudged up the stairs to my little sunshine, who jumped into my arms with a loud, "Momma!" I noticed that she was holding onto me tighter than what she usually did. She started crying, telling me that she wanted to stay with me and how she didn't want to go anywhere. I started to cry, too, and I promised her that, no matter what happens, she's not going anywhere. I was really seething at Satsuki now. I hope she just came over to talk or show me that she signed adoption papers because, really, I should beat her ass. Of course, I couldn't, not right now, she's pregnant. At that point, I decided to stay upstairs.

While I cradled Kiko, I could hear them talking about me. They were talking about my weight but Sukuyo said, "She probably did more than just overeat because of not having much else to do, she probably overate to cope. I suppose neither of you realize how much she really hurts." Again, Mako wanted to say something but Mrs. Mankanshoku make her be quiet, telling her, "No one is saying it's wrong for Satsuki to want to see Kiko but what can be said is that being a mother is more than just giving birth. Motherhood requires much change and many sacrifices. Since, for whatever reason, Satsuki didn't want to deal with the responsibilities that came with bringing Kiko into the world, Ryuuko took them on, becoming Kiko's mother, sacrificing whatever she had before, be it her health or her once carefree youth."

"Can they heal their relationship?" one of them asked.

"Well, that's up to Ryuuko."

"How?"

"Well, when Satsuki left Kiko to Ryuuko and moved them here, she abandoned her, too. Ryuuko's been abandoned before, so the idea of her sister, the one who was supposed to be there for her, leaving her for two years isn't going to sit well.”

I remembered how I got pushed from home to home. It wasn't a lot of homes but that's what  happned. Satsuki was kept but I wasn't and I never got to figure out why. It's not like she knew why but I know full doggone damn well that he had no excuse to abandon Kiko and she damn sure has no reason to want see Kiko after two years with all that's said and done. I was upstairs for the longest, while they talked before Kiko told me she wanted to go somewhere, somewhere that isn't here, a fun place.

Cradling her, I carried her down the stairs and to the door before the others asked where I was going. I put Kiko on the floor so she could put on her shoes, while I said, "Out." I was asked where and I repeated what I said. I could hear Satsuki calling my name but I wasn't into hearing what she had to say, so, once Kiko her shoes on, I lead her out the door, saying, "I'm going out. Kiko and I need to calm our nerves."

I suppose that I wasn't thinking when I walked outside with Kiko and went to crossing the street besides to toss her out of the way. 


	15. "Kiko? Kiko? Where's Kiko?!"

I woke up in a hospital and, though I was hurt, my mind immediately went to Kiko. I started calling her name, hoping that bitch didn't take her before I heard, "Momma!" The others were there, Satsuki's bitch ass, too, and Kiko immediately climbed in my bed. The little thing was in tears, crying, asking me if I was okay, would I be okay, and if she could stay with me. I took her in my arms and told her, "There, there, Sunshine, I'm here, I'll always be here, no matter what happens." I told her that I just got hurt was all and that things'll be okay.

With Kiko in my arms, I asked what the hell happened, to which Mako said, "You got hit by a car." I couldn't believe it but I knew that had to have happened. I didn't remember much from that whole thing. Nonon went on to tell me that, according to doctor's my back was fucked, had to stay in the hospital for observation, and walk with a cane for awhile but, otherwise, I was fine practically, as, besides those things, nothing (too) majorly wrong, along with that my boss had been told about my injuries, so I got paid leave.

Of course, with me being hospitalized, that begged the question as to who Kiko was to stay with. At first, I figured Satsuki's bitch ass would chime in while everyone else discussed it but Kiko shot everything else down, saying, "No! Wanna stay with Momma!" She held onto me so tightly that it hurt. The doctors overheard and, despite what everyone else said, told me that Kiko could stay, especially since I wouldn't be in the hospital long. The others wanted to say something, with Satsuki trying to find the words, but I told them what the doctor said, along with muttering to Satsuki to back off.

If Kiko wasn't there and if my back wasn't so sore, I would have yelled at her, telling her how she ruined my life, Kiko's life, and, now, because of her selfishness and being irresponsible, she's gonna ruin another life. If I wasn't injured, didn't have Kiko clinging to me, or, if she wasn't pregnant, I'd have slapped her into a coma. I couldn't do either one, so I decided to tend to my little sunshine and ignore Satsuki. I thought more about my back being hurt and I wondered as to how I was gonna take care of Kiko in that state. I came to the conclusion that I'd do what I did before, my very best, all of my all, fucked up back be damned. I realized, at this point, I didn't want to talk to anyone except Kiko and Mako's Mom.

They, especially Satsuki, could feel that. 


	16. Here she is again.

I got visitors the next day. Three of them. Mako's Mom, Mako, and Satsuki's bitch ass. Kiko wasn't awake yet but Mako told me she'd watch her so Satsuki and I could talk with Sukuyo there. I didn't want to but Sukuyo said we wouldn't be long, so I let her, with specific directions that she bring her back once this discussion was over. Once the two of 'em were somewhere else, I turned to Satsuki and, skipping all of the bullshit, asked, "Did you bring adoption papers?" She told me, plainly, that she didn't, to which I said, "Well, you may as well have, with all things considered. Why're you here?"

"To talk."

"About what? I'm not in the mood."

"Ryuuko, I don't know what to do...."

"Neither did I and I still don't, especially now, but that's not stopping me."

"No, it's not."

"Anything else you wanna talk about? Like I said, I'm not in the mood and you know damn well I don't even want to talk to you."

"I know but I'm not ready for any of this."

"What a shock."

"I wasn't ready, then, especially in light of my circumstances."

"Yeah, and your dumb ass learned the hard way."

"I made a terrible mistake."

"Yeah, you did and you can't go back on it, you tramp."

"Hm."

"You ruined three lives."

"Huh?!"

"You ruined Kiko's when you abandoned her at the earliest of instances, you ruined mine when you abandoned me, too, and you're going to ruin the life of the one who isn't even born yet. You want to see Kiko, the one you abandoned two years ago, because you're pregnant again, mm-hmm, yeah, um, what's gonna happen when you get too 'overwhelmed', hmm, are you gonna dump that one, too?"

"....."

"Oh, so you have nothing to say? You're selfish as hell. You were selfish then, when you did what you did and you're selfish now, bringing another child into the world. "

".....I didn't mean to be."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't matter. I don't care what your reasons for doing what you did are because knowing them isn't going to fix anything, if anything, knowing why you did what you did is just gonna piss me off more. You brought that beautiful, wonderful little ray of sunshine into the world and wanted nothing to do with her. As far as I know, you have no excuse."

"It's not--"

"No, shut up, shut the fuck up. I was scared and I wasn't ready but, as you can see, I didn't ghost on her. You did that."

"....."

"You ghosted on her and you ghosted on me. To be honest, that hurt me more than you even realize. When we were kids, I was shipped off to elsewhere, while you got to stay. I never knew why I did but I never had reasons to think that you'd do the same thing that almost everyone else did. You're my sister, Satsuki. I was supposed to depend on you above anyone or anything else and you abandoned me, shipping Kiko and me off like some dirty secret you just had to keep hidden. Kiko didn't do a damn thing to me and I couldn't bear to do what you did because, really, who else did she have? _No one_ and knowing that broke my heart. You ruined three lives because you can't get it through your thick skull that your actions didn't just affect you."

"......."

"I love her more than you ever could and I can't stand to see her hurt. If you take her from me, then you might as well kill me because, really, taking her away will destroy us both."

She wanted to say something else but didn't. I was in tears and in a lot of pain. That pain wasn't coming my back. I just knew that it hurt. I had nothing else to say besides that I wanted to see how my little sunshine was. Mrs Makanshoku wasted no time in getting Mako and Kiko. Like usual, Kiko ran straight towards me but she climbed in my arms instead of jumping in them like she normally would. She held onto me for dear life and said, "Stay with Momma!"

She looked up and asked me if she had to leave me. I started crying and said, "No, no, you don't, not if you don't want to. You're not going anywhere." I didn't care that my back hurt, I was just happy to cradle that little bundle of sunshine in my arms. She started to cheer up and telling me about what she was up to. Satsuki just watched, saying nothing, however, she looked like she could cry. I felt a little sorry for her but, at the end of the day, she had her chance and threw it away. Without telling her, I reminded her that she couldn't go back on her choices.

I held Kiko, until she fell asleep. When Kiko fell asleep and after I rested her on the bed,without thinking, I said "Hmm, I used to be pretty once." The other ones thought that was weird and that tramp said, "Ryuuko, you're not particularly bad looking." I rolled my eyes and repeated what I said, glaring at her hard.

"I was pretty once."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I was pretty once, Satsuki, but, now, I hate looking at myself at in the mirror."

"....."

"Yeah, you never got to live with that or looking sick as hell. No, you didn't, hell, you didn't really look like you even had a kid."

"Oh."

"Yeah, well, you never got to live with a lot of things but, now, you get to live with the choices you made two years ago and the fact that your sister isn't ever gonna be happy to see you."

I turned away from her and pointed to the door, asking, "Don't you have some appointment to be off to?" I suppose she had something to ask in return to that and I told her she looked big enough to pop. She said nothing else, just that she was due, soon. "Well, you better have your mind made up." I snarled back. 


	17. Injured back be damned.

_Injured back be damned._

Like the doctors said, I didn't need to stay in the hospital for long and, after a couple of minor surgeries, I was sent home with a cane to get better. Mrs. Manaknshoku didn't go home and stayed on, considering the circumstances. Kiko seemed to understand that I was hurt and couldn't do as much until I got better but she didn't mind, as long as I was with her. She seemed to have calmed down some on the idea of Satsuki, her birthgiver, trying to get back in.

Mako was quiet, too, actually, I haven't really talked to her all that much because of the whole inviting my slut sister to talk to me thing. So far, I didn't talk much to anyone besides Mrs. Mankanshoku, my boss, and, of course, my little sunshine. Fucked up back be damned, I was determined to get my life mostly back to the way it was before Satsuki comes and disrupts it again. Everyone else had much to say about me not sitting on my ass, though my back hurt, but I didn't give a damn.

I started off slow, just taking little walks with my cane and Kiko by my side. I couldn't really walk fast, not yet, anyway, but Kiko didn't mind, as she'd keep her pace to match mine. Sometimes, that was funny, since she seemed to walk like she was skipping but even funnier came when, once I had stopped, and she stood one leg because she thought I was standing on leg. She didn't stay like that long because she was so little and didn't have the balance but she'd do that weird thing. Itty-bitty things like that made me so happy, yet more pissed at Satsuki. After a bit of thinking about it, I hoped Satsuki would go into labor hella soon and I hope she'll be in a lot of pain when she does.

Eventually, through some means or another, I got to where I could mosy without the cane, at least when I'm not in the house. Still, Kiko never left my side. Everyone else thought that was weird but Mako's mom said, "Ryuuko's the only mother she's known and, so, she's not going to take any separation, especially now, after having seen her get hit by a car. Kiko is terrified, simple enough to say."

She wasn't lying. Ever since Satsuki decided to kick up a storm or that she had regrets about giving Kiko to me, my little sunshine has been scared and upset. I don't remember much from getting hit by the car by I can picture her screaming and crying a storm. That was not something I'd like to imagine and I could feel myself starting to tear up at thinking about that. She's so little and, to have seen that, I don't doubt that her life would be fucked from that. Of course, she probably won't remember it too well in the near future because she's so little but she remembers it now. She's scared of letting go. I was scared of letting go, too, because I'm the only Momma she's known and Satsuki didn't want to be bothered. I wanted to bury Satsuki's ass for that, too.

Either way, life started to calm down a few notches but, hurt back be damned, I was still worried and I had that lingering feeling that wouldn't go away. 


	18. Short Dude

While things calmed down a few notches and the lingering feeling stuck, I thought I could let let loose but I got a knock at my door. Fucked up back be damned, I was just about looking to beat some ass but I kept myself nice and answered with that strained politeness. To my surprise, it was the Short Dude. I don't remember the last time I had seen 'im and the last time I heard of him was when Satsuki told me he went to stay abroad. If I remember right, she was upset about that and never talked about it since. Where he was didn't matter but what did matter was that he was standing on my doorstop at 7:34am.

He was dressed nice, hella nice, to nice for that time of the morning. He asked if he could come in and told me that he wouldn't stay long. I let him and asked him, "Okay, why are ya' here?" He told me, in a quiet voice that he just wanted to talk was all. I asked him if it had something to do with Satsuki.

"Yes."

"What do you want to know?"

"How has she been? It's been two years, since I last spoke to her."

"Did you drop at her place first?"

"Yes, but she wouldn't answer and I heard that you were staying here, so I'd thought I'd see you."

"Okay, well, you do know that I'm not on any terms with Satsuki as of late, actually, if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have been hit by a car the other day."

"What happened--?!"

"Keep your voice down!"

"My apologies but what happened?"

"Satsuki had a secret and she sent me to live here with the secret."

"What kind of secret?"

"Satsuki was pregnant, didn't tell a damn soul, handed me a baby, and sent the both of us to live here."

He went white in the face and told me that he never knew she was pregnant, which seemed to tell me that he slept with her. I told him that she didn't tell me either, along with that she didn't tell me about the one before that but I told him that one wasn't really relevant, instead, I was gonna focus on the one that was already born, the one Satsuki handed to me, with "It's a girl."

I told him that her name was "Tsukiko" but I never called her that, actually, I called her "Kiko" and that I've been raising her since she was two days old. I told him what sacrifices I made, feeling bitter tears rolling down my face, and how Satsuki got to live her life like nothing's changed. I told him about how I loved Kiko more than anything, more than Satsuki ever could, and that Satsuki's selfish. I told him about how, despite everything, I wouldn't give up the life I have right now, injured back be damned.

He asked me what did Kiko look like and I showed him a picture. He commented that Kiko was beautiful and that, if he had known Satsuki was pregnant, then he wouldn't have left. He then told me that I've done a wonderful job in taking care of her, along with saying he was sorry that I had suffered so much, wishing he could make it right. He was saying this for about five minutes before he turned to me and asked me what my thoughts on marriage were.

I told him that I wasn't pretty enough for the idea, all things considered. Either way, he suggested that we could be married, anything to make this whole situation right, along with telling me that looks had nothing to do with it. From what I knew, he wasn't in love with me but he definitely liked me enough as a friend. Though I couldn't stand her bitch ass, I knew he loved Satsuki and marrying Short Dude would be taking him away from her. I wanted to spite her, yes, but marrying her boytoy is a step too far, especially now. I told him that I wasn't sure what to say and I asked him if he was aware that Satsuki's pregnant again.

He was surprised by that, too, and asked,"How far along is she?" I told him I didn't really know besides that she's due hella soon and I told him I wanted to see what she planned on doing with the baby since she can't do anything else. "If she leaves this kid with me, I'm beating her ass." I told him and I told him that with emphasis, pointing to the shattered picture frame. Of course, telling him that Satsuki was pregnant again made him really not sure what the hell to do.

He couldn't be married to two different chicks and, for all the both of us knew, Satsuki won't take him back. Then again, the kid she's pregnant with now isn't even his because he's been abroad the entire time, while Kiko might be, after all, he was the one she was screwing. Not knowing what else to do, I asked him if he'd like to meet her and I told him I'd go get Kiko from upstairs, so he can see her, in person. I'm not sure why I offered that but I guess I just knew he wasn't going to take her away or try to or, maybe, I offered to let him see her because, really, Kiko is beautiful and moms like to show off their beautiful babies.

She was groggy but I showed her to him anyway. Kiko's arms were wrapped around my neck and she was resting her head on my shoulder with eyes barely open. I told Short Dude that this was Kiko and I did vice versa. She wasn't really interested in our visitor but she eyed him, though, and asked me who he was before she dropped the subject altogether. Short Dude didn't have much to say to or about her either besides, "Oh, she's beautiful." before petting her hair. Maybe, for Kiko's sake, I could take marriage, even if he's not in love with me but, still, he's Satsuki's boytoy.

Like he said, he didn't stay long and told me that, if I needed anything, I could ask. Weird, I wanted to beat up the one who knocked up Satsuki but, from what I could guess, Satsuki did him just as dirty as she did me. I was upset with him but not as I was with her. He was just as clueless but, at least, he was looking to make it right and, different than any other dude, was really sorry. However, I didn't let him go without telling him that Satsuki was hurt awfully bad when he left to go abroad and he told me how he tried to reach out for those past two years.

Damn, Satsuki didn't even let him say "Sorry".


	19. Conversation

After that, I made a point of business to call Satsuki's stoolies over and, while Kiko was asleep, Sukuyo and Mako were awake, too. I wanted to tell them about Short Dude and what he asked me, specifically the bit about marriage. They all looked me at weird when I did, Uzu's stupid ass asking me what my answer was, to which I told him, "I told Short Dude I wasn't sure what to say and that I wasn't pretty enough." He started chuckling before Big Dude told him, "Again, not nice. Seriously, you need to work on that."

"Are you going to accept his proposal?"

"I don't know. He likes me, sure, but he's not in love with me, however, for Kiko's sake, I just might."

"That's messed up, man, you know Shiro's is Satsuki's boyfriend."

"More like he's her ex-boyfriend because he went to see her first and she wouldn't answer her door, so he came over to my house."

"But she's your sister."

"And she ghosted on Kiko and me and the neither one of us did anything to her."

"Yeah, but to marry Shiro?"

"I haven't decided on what I wanna do but, at least, he's trying to make things right. Can't say the same about Satsuki."

"Only because you haven't given her a chance!"

"Mako, you shut-up! She had her chances, had 'em for two years, and she pissed them away. She's only looking to talk to me now because she's pregnant again and she doesn't have her mind made up."

At this point, everyone else shut up before Sukuyo decided put in her two cents. She asked me what my opinion was on the subject, to which I answered, "I'm not pretty enough for the idea but, if it means better providing for Kiko, then I may consider it, after all, Short Dude did sleep with Satsuki those two years ago. He said he wouldn't have left if he had known she was pregnant." Again, the other one's looked at me weird, with Big Dude saying, "Hmm, either she found out she was pregnant after he left or she found out before and couldn't tell him."

Then other ones looked at him with Nonon asking, "What you do mean?" He told her that the reason as to why Short Dude wouldn't have known is Satsuki didn't or couldn't tell him. He went on to tell her that Satsuki might not have known before Short Dude went abroad two years ago and so, because he wasn't here, she couldn't tell him that she was pregnant or she knew she was pregnant but couldn't find it in her to tell him, so she didn't. After that, he said, "That might explain why she didn't take care of Kiko, if Kiko's actually Shiro's."

"That makes no sense, Big Dude. Kiko was just born and I got dumped, too."

"She was pretty upset when Shiro left, so the idea of Kiko being around might have twisted that knife further."

"Satsuki needs to be slapped to high hell for that noise. She abandoned me, too, dumbass, and I had nothin' to do with any of that noise. You got any explanation as to why she abandoned me, too?"

He went quiet. I told Sukuyo that I couldn't stand Satsuki and I wanted to spite her but, besides Kiko's best interests, I wasn't so sure about marrying him. "Sure, he's nice and he likes me enough but he's not in love with me. For all the crap she put me and Kiko through, I wanted to spite her but I'm not so sure about taking him away from her, however, if it means Kiko's provided for, then so be it." I said, more matter-of-fact than usual.

"Ryuuko, people marry for love."

"Yes, they do but, if it's to provide for Kiko, then I might as well take him up on it."

"What about you?"

"As long as Kiko's fine."

"Yes, as long as Kiko has her 'Momma', she'll be fine, but what about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"My point is that you shouldn't toss your life away. Kiko'll be provided for as long as she has you but, however, to care for her, you shouldn't do something that you aren't sure of, let alone don't want to do."

"But--"

"No, just no. It's hard looking after Kiko, of course, but marriage isn't going to make things better. If anything, you'd be miserable, wishing you had never done it, and fail to take care of yourself. If you're not taking care care of yourself, then how are to care for Kiko?"

I couldn't say much of anything else, so I just looked at her. I wanted to say something back, tell her how this might be for the best, but, at the end of it, I couldn't find the words. Those words were not there, not anymore. I just stared at her. Everything seemed to disappear and it was just me and Sukuyo in the void. I would suppose that I had an answer to the marriage thing. 


	20. "I just want to talk to you."

After that stint with Short Dude, she called again and I wasn't in too much a mood to even think about her voice but I, somehow, found it in me to entertain her for just that once. I asked her as to why the hell she was calling, to which she said, "I just want to talk to you." I told her that I wasn't in the mood to hear what she had to say but she was insistent, like she was pleading. I was still pissed at her but I asked as to what the hell she wanted to talk about. She pussyfooted before telling me, "I don't know what to do."

"Satsuki, is that all?"

"No....."

"Let me make this clear to you: If you make the same mistake again, someone's teeth is getting busted."

"....."

"You better have your mind made up. Anything else you'd like to say?

"Listen, I was scared and I wasn't ready, so I did the thing that seemed to be the most reasonable."

"That doesn't matter, Satsuki, you abandoned the both of us, Kiko especially, the first chance you got, and you got to go out, have fun with friends and, hell, you even screwed, getting pregnant again. I wasn't ready either but, here I am, doing the things you chose not to do. Your choices have consequences and those consequences won't always just affect you. You're a selfish bitch, Satsuki."

"What did you expect for me to do at the time?!"

"I don't know but I know what I didn't expect. I didn't expect for for you to leave her with me and then dump us both for two years without calling or visiting. No, I didn't expect for you to go out with friends and not have neither one of 'em ask about your sister, the sister you loved ever so much. Yeah, feel every bit of your mistake, remember that you lost two things, and remember you were kept but I shipped off to elsewhere. I had to look for you and it damn sure wasn't the other way around."

"....I did look for you."

"Yeah, well, you didn't think about trying to keep me, no, you dumped Kiko and me the first chance you got, to cover your mistake."

"Ryuuko, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"Yeah, well, you did and, to be honest, I'd be damned if I let you hurt Kiko. You let her down before she's even had the chance to realize it. Mothers don't ghost on their kids."

"Ryuuko, please...."

"Bitch, hell no. Did you have to worry about bills or food?"

"....No."

"Did you lose sleep because you had to get up in the middle of the night to change diapers or fix a bottle?"

"No...."

"Did you have to worry about Kiko getting sick something bad and not knowing if she'd even make it?

"No...."

"When the money got low, did you have to wonder if you should take up another job or turn tricks even if it meant that Kiko won't go without?"

"No....."

"Do you hate looking at old pictures, in the mirror, and remembering that you were pretty once?"

"No."

"Did you have to deal with knowing your sister just practically left you?"

"No...."

"Of course, you didn't because you put those responsibilities on me, so you get to talk about your mistakes, how you didn't mean to be selfish, how you were scared, and you're not ready to be a mom. Yeah, well, you ruined two lives and you're going to ruin three. Your choices and those consequences didn't just affect you."

"....I'm so sorry."

I told her, again, that "Sorry" wasn't going to fix anything and that she had better have her mind made up. Tears were streaming down my face and I kept the crying out of my voice. I guess some part of me still loved her but I was still seething about the crap she put us through. If she unloads the next one on me, she'll have hell to pay and she'll pay what's owed, either that, or someone else is gonna need their teeth busted. She's so irresponsible and stupid that I don't even know what to do.

Obviously, marrying her boytoy is out of the question and, really, I doubt I'm gonna have enough money take care of more than just Kiko and myself. I'd be damned if she doesn't have her mind made up and I'd be hella damned if she does have her mind made up.

 


	21. "I'm not hungry."

After that, I didn't feel hungry. My appetite was gone, practically. Much of the time when I'm pissed to high hell, I would just eat but I just flat out couldn't do that. Actually, I could barely pull myself together after that whole stint. Kiko noticed that, so, for her, I found it in me to eat something, even though it didn't taste like much of anything but, still, it was for her because she needs me. Satsuki damn sure ain't gonna provide for her and I'm the only mom she has, the only one she knew, so I owed it to her, whether or not I wanted to kick Satsuki's ass.

Not eating scared the hell out of her. I was low on money at the time and I would have been damned if I had to either hand her over to someone else or watch her go without, so I spent whatever money I had on her. She's too little to understand why I looked sick but that was beside the point because she was trying to make me better. She was afraid that I wouldn't get better and I remember how she clung to me, while I laid in bed because I was so tired. Usually, she'd want to play and for me to play with her but, during the time I was, I guess, sick, she'd lay next to me, clinging to me like the world was gonna end.

She wasn't the only who noticed this. Mrs. Makanshoku did, too, and asked me if I was okay, to which I told her that the call with Satsuki messed me up. She asked me how and I told her the whole conversation wracked me. I told her that I couldn't tell exactly how I felt about Satsuki, just that I was pissed at her. "She was the only sister I had and she abandoned me, just like she did Kiko. She's selfish and stupid and I can't tell if I hate or if I love her but I do know that I'm pissed at her." I told her.

She looked at me and said, "I suppose but you must not, for all intents and purposes, starve yourself in upset." I told her I wasn't starving but she persisted, saying, "Perhaps not, but, clearly, there's something off with your apatite. From what I got, you'd overeat when you were this upset but, this time, you seem to barely pick at your food, so you may as well be."

"I'm fat enough as it is."

"You are overweight, not obese, and, in one of those photos, you looked almost like a cancer patient."

"Yeah, but Kiko was fine."

"And she will be but she'll be okay as long as she has you, however, if you aren't taking care of herself, then she won't be okay, as she won't have you."

"...."

"She may be little but she knows when something is wrong. Toddlers are perceptive little things, so, even she if she doesn't quite know why, she still has a clue that something isn't right. She's terrified of being taken away, remember?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then, keep yourself well because losing you or some part of you is going to affect her and in not so nice ways."

I wasn't particularly sure as to what to say to that but I guess she was right.


	22. Another Phone Call

A little after that, I got a phone call. It was from her stoolies and he told me that he hasn't heard from Satsuki, to which I told him I don't know why in holy hell he was calling me. "She's your sister, Ryuuko." he told me. I told him that part didn't matter anymore and, really, I didn't hear from her either. "Aren't you concerned?" he asked me.

"Yeah, for the baby she's going to have."

"But we don't know where she is or how she's doing and she's due any day."

"Yeah, and you call me?"

"Yes, because you're her sister."

"What the hell made you think that I would know where she is?!"

"Well, I thought you might have talked to her last."

"You don't pay this phone bill, last time I checked."

"Still, she has to be found, I mean, she's not far from delivery and she might be in need of medical attention."

"Well, you get it for her when you find her."

"Ryuuko--"

I hung up on him, naturally, because I didn't want to hear any more of that noise. She abandoned me and that baby, my little sunshine, so, really, I didn't want to look for her but I was concerned about the baby she was gonna have and I hoped to God that the baby'll be alright. Sis can manage. _She managed just fine without the either of us, so she'll be fine. Maybe its just nothing. Just nothing._

I let that echo in my head. I had to be right, didn't I? This had to be nothing, just Satsuki being hysterical, right? She had to be, had to be just causing a fuss so she'd get attention and make me feel bad for not talking to her bitch ass. I remembered how the others told me about scaring them like that when I took Kiko out for the day, so, really, odds are, she's scaring everyone because I did that. I chose think of it that way because that idea made the most sense.

I was fiddling around with the idea and I just couldn't think. I would be sitting there, fiddling, until Kiko came into the room to show me her bear. Well, her doing that took my mind off of what the hell Satsuki was up to as to why no one could reach her but it made me pissed at her more. I decided not to think more about her and just focused on Kiko and her bear. With her bear, she asked me if we could go to the park.

I told her we could, after work. 


	23. Here they go again, the motherfuckers

After we got home from work, I found out my ass had visitors. Kiko didn't like that and told me to make them go away, to which I said, "It's okay, Sunshine, Momma just needs to talk to 'em." I brought her upstairs, telling her I'd take her to the park, once I was finished talking to 'em. After sitting her down and just as I was going downstairs, she handed me her bear and said, "Take." Not knowing what else to do, I took it from her, while she sat there with her hands clasped together. To be honest, I wanted to cry at seeing that, as Kiko, once, hit a kid when another he tried to take it.

Hugging that bear, I walked downstairs and asked them as to what the hell they wanted, to which Pinky told me what Uzu's stupid ass said to them. Weirdly, Short Dude was the only one of 'em I wasn't mad at and he just simply asked if I was okay. I told him that I wasn't and I didn't why them other four was there, before Big Dude said, "We're looking for Satsuki."

"Not sure why ya'll came over here because she ain't here."

"Do you know where she is?"

"No, and, to be honest, I don't have much a reason to care."

Uzu shrugged and said, "Told you." Pinky looked at me weird and told me that I should care because Satsuki is due any day and, for all we know, something could have happened. I told her, "Okay, yeah, besides the one she's gonna have and that paycheck, she's probably fine."

"And if she's not?"

"Well, besides the paycheck, that's not my problem. She didn't seem to give a damn if I was fine or not, no, and she definitely didn't bother with Kiko in all those two years."

I reminded them she was kept and that I got abandoned twice. I showed them Kiko's bear and said, "Kiko doesn't usually share her bear, her favorite bear, but she handed it to me because she knew I'd be pissed today. Satsuki abandoned me and she abandoned Kiko, when the little thing was two days old. Tell me why I should give a damn besides the paycheck or the kid she's going to have." The other ones looked at me weird, with Nerd Bastard telling me that it happened a long time ago.

I was fixing to say something back before Sukuyo stepped in and had something to say, "She may have been abandoned a long time ago but, when Satsuki abandoned Kiko, she abandoned Ryuuko, too, reopening old wounds. Ryuuko was abandoned as a child and made to live from home to home, one of which she ran away from, before she came to me. Let me tell you one thing, it was hard to get her to come out of her shell and, for the longest, she was terrified. To see her terrified of being tossed away again was bad but to see her so crushed when the idea that her family wasn't coming back for her sunk in was _heartbreaking_. How do you think she felt to know her family kept Satsuki and not her or, for that matter, how do you think she felt to know her only family, the sister she looked for, abandoned her as soon as things became inconvenient, hmm?"

That shut him up and, when the other ones wanted to say something, she said something right back, "Whatever, be they reasonable or otherwise, Satsuki's reasons for doing what she did, she still put that responsibility on Ryuuko and she still abandoned them. You see, this is more than just a broken bond or a family feud, Ryuuko is terrified of losing her family again because, caring for for a baby, for two years, isn't something she's gonna walk away from. For those two years, Kiko was the only family she's had left and Satsuki's abandonment of her was probably more devastating than being abandoned herself. Of course, it says a lot that Kiko handed Ryuuko her favorite bear. Ryuuko may not have given birth to her, regardless, Kiko wants to make her 'Momma' happy. This whole event for the both of them has been distressing."

They were quiet but then Dumbasshedron over there said, almost quiet, "But Satsuki might need help." Tears were streaming down my face and I turned away holding that bear, telling him, "Then you all can get it for her but leave me out of it."

I did take Kiko the park and we had a good time, the best time we had ever had. Rather, she had the best time she could ever have because that whole thing left me with a sinking feeling. A feeling that I couldn't quite shake. When we got home, I had to throw up.


	24. Babies in a Basket

Not long after that whole thing and after not hearing from Satsuki, I got a knock door. It was early in the morning, of course, and I wasn't in any real mood to open it. However, the knocking at the door woke up Kiko and she, from what I got, was curious enough to get up and see what it was. I wondered if I should've gotten up right then and there but I didn't until I heard Kiko's voice say, "Momma, lady at door."

At that point, I hurried down the stairs and to the door, looking to kick some ass, but I didn't find anyone but Kiko and a laundry basket with bloody blankets and a note. To be honest, I was expecting the worst of the worst but, no, it was a little less than worse, as it was a baby. It wasn't one baby, it was two, both as bloody and wet as they could be. From what I could see, they were okay and they weren't born real long ago. They were crying like babies do, so that was a good sign. Like with Kiko, I didn't know what to do but I knew more than I did then, so I picked them and told them things'll be okay. _Here we go again, Satsuki, goddamn!_

Of course, the babies crying woke up everyone in the house. I was annoyed, tired, and seething but I wasn't thinking about that. I was fixated on getting them clean and dealing with Satsuki. She pulled this shit again. The babies needed to be cleaned, diapered (Kiko isn't potty-trained yet), and calmed down. I wasn't going to bother with the note, not yet, I was going to fuss with the babies.. Their crying woke up everyone as we all know, with Mako asking what the hell was going on, to which I told her, "Someone's ass is about to be grass."

Setting the basket down on the floor, I drew a warm bath. I'd get them all clean and nice and I'd mow someone's ass grass. Neither one of these babies did a damn thing to her but she's dumped them the moment they came into this world. I got them cleaned up but they were still squealing. I was exhausted but they were clean and wrapped up nice. I had a lot motions running through my head and a good many of them had much to wonder as to what the hell I would do now. There is three babies and I didn't know where in holy hell Satsuki was, besides that she probably didn't get far. I thought about all of the sacrifices I've made and I wondered if I'd be nothing but bones to make sure they all get fed because God Almighty forbid that they starve.

I had a flurry of things to think about but, mostly, I was pissed. I could hear Mako asking what happened or where Satsuki was but I didn't listen. I was fixated on the little things she brought into the world and then abandoned, abandoned like she did me. Besides the babies, there was nothing but open void. I wanted to scream and I wanted to tear shit up but I didn't. As far as I knew Satsuki could go to hell.

It wasn't long before some of her flunkies and the Short Dude came over asking what the the hell happened. Everyone else was fixated on Satsuki but Short Dude decided to check on me and the babies, all three them that I was holding in my arms. I told him, plainly, "Satsuki can go to hell." while the other ones were chattering about how, with the blood, she couldn't have gotten far, especially if the babies were about an hour or less old. Of course, I cleaned the babies off but they were going by the stained sheets and crap she wrapped them in.

Like two years ago, I didn't know what the hell to do but I damn sure didn't want to find Satsuki, no, she could stay lost. I guess I was thinking that bit aloud because the other ones asked me was to what I meant, to which I told 'em, "If she's lost, let her stay lost. She dumped these babies on me, so I'm sure she's fine."

"And if she's not?!"

"Whose fault is that? It's damn sure not mine."

"How on in the hell is it _her_ fault?!"

"She chose to screw and not take precautions and this is how she chose to deal with the outcome. Yeah, she didn't think to go the hospital first."

I got something of some old bullshit from them before I told them, as calm as I tried to be, "If you care about her so much, then why're you here talking to me? Really, you could be out there looking for her because we all know I'm not going to." I shut them all down and told them to find her themselves. As I told them this, I was turning away, cradling those babies. They opted to go find her but not without Mako asking, "Ryuuko...?" I told her to go away, with the others, to find Satsuki.

I was left alone with Sukuyo, who told me about the note. I forgot about it and I didn't really want to read it, so she read it for me. She told me it was legal papers and I asked her as to what kind, to which she said, " Custody papers." She then told me that, while they weren't adoption papers, they were close to adoption papers, as Satsuki officially signed Kiko over to me, power of attorney, custody, and all. However, those papers only mentioned Kiko, they didn't say anything about the babies she just had. I pointed that out and I was told that Satsuki signed those papers, two weeks ago. "So she hasn't made her mind up?" I asked, to which I got a "Probably not."

"Well, I guess I'm beating her ass."

"If you feel that's the most correct thing to do, then, at least, wait until she's able to withstand it."

"....."

"If I may, while I understand why you're upset with her, what do you think beating her up will accomplish?"

"I don't know but I am pissed at her."

"If you beat up Satsuki, then what're you going to do after that?"

"I don't really know."

"Well, you said if she didn't have her mind made up or if she dumped her babies on you again, you said you'd, quote, 'beat her ass', so, I'm curious. If you intend on beating her up, then what're you going to do afterwards or did you really mean what you said?"

I just looked at her and told I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do but I told her I was still pissed at Satsuki for all the shit she's pulled. "Is that all you're upset with?" she asked me and I told her that it wasn't. I asked her as to how in holy hell was I to take care of three babies, the oldest of 'em isn't even potty trained. "Did Satsuki not think about a damn thing I told her?!" I asked.

I started rambling on about how I'll have to take up a second job or three or how I might not be pretty enough for turning tricks. I had a lot of things going through my head, as I thought about what else to do. While I was thinking about Kiko, those babies, and everything else, my mind started going back to before I got shipped off to elsewhere. I didn't remember too much of anything before that but I do remember, a little, of Satsuki promising that she'll take care of me, always, and that she was telling me of how much she loved me. Honestly, I wish that I didn't remember that because it made everything worse. Kiko and the babies were still little and they would never have to remember this or anything related but I wasn't. I'd remember how I got shipped off to elsewhere and how my sister abandoned me.

While I was thinking of that, I told Sukuyo, "I wish I was too little to remember her." I guess the conversation would have kept going if we didn't get a call from somewhere. It was from a hospital on the other side of town and Mako was on the other end, telling us that we needed to come to the hospital. I told Sukuyo that I didn't want to go, to which she told me, "You don't really have a choice." I wanted to say something back but I couldn't, so I just let her take me the hospital. 


End file.
